Why Does Sex Hurt? Understanding Pain with Intercourse and How to Heal
If you’ve ever asked yourself, "Why does sex hurt?"—you are not alone. Pain with intercourse, also known as dyspareunia, is more common than most women realize. In fact, studies suggest that as many as 1 in 5 women experience pain during or after sex at some point in their lives.
But just because it’s common doesn’t mean it’s normal. And it definitely doesn’t mean you have to live with it.
Types of Pain with Intercourse
Pain can show up at different times and in different places—and those details matter. Knowing when and where the pain occurs can tell us which pelvic floor structures are involved, and that’s the first step in real, lasting healing.
🌟 1. Pain Upon Insertion
Pain that happens right as penetration begins is often due to:
Overactive or tight superficial pelvic floor muscles (like the bulbospongiosus and pubococcygeus)
Scar tissue from childbirth or surgery
Dryness or thinning of the vaginal tissues (often related to hormone shifts, including postpartum or menopause)
🌟 2. Pain with Deep Penetration
Pain felt deeper inside the pelvis can be linked to:
Tightness in deeper pelvic muscles (levator ani, obturator internus)
Organ sensitivity (bladder, cervix, uterus)
Conditions like endometriosis or pelvic congestion
🌟 3. Pain After Intercourse
Delayed pain can point to:
Muscle spasms or overactivity
Fascial restriction
Nerve sensitivity or inflammation (such as pudendal neuralgia)
These patterns aren’t just random. They’re maps to help us understand what your body is asking for.
Other Symptoms That Might Be Connected
Pain with sex rarely shows up alone. You might also experience:
Bladder urgency or leakage
Pelvic heaviness or pressure
Tailbone pain
Hip or lower back discomfort
Constipation or difficulty with bowel movements
A feeling of "disconnect" from your core or pelvic region
How The Refine Method Helps
At Refine Physical Therapy, we specialize in treating pelvic pain from the root. Our signature process, The Refine Method, is designed to help women restore pelvic floor mobility, reduce pain, and reconnect with their bodies—and their partners.
✅ Step 1: Restore
We begin by calming the nervous system and releasing overactive or tight muscles using gentle manual therapy, breathwork, and positional releases. You’ll learn how to identify and let go of unconscious muscle holding patterns that contribute to your pain.
✅ Step 2: Rebuild
Once your body is out of defense mode, we introduce targeted exercises to build balanced strength and coordination between your core, hips, and pelvic floor. This improves circulation, decreases pain, and gives you back trust in your own body.
✅ Step 3: Return
We reintegrate movement back into your real life—including intimacy. We guide you through gradual desensitization, supported stretches, and partnered exercises so that sex can feel safe, enjoyable, and deeply connecting again.
The Real Goal: Connection
When pain takes over the bedroom, it doesn’t just affect your body. It impacts your confidence, your relationship, and your sense of self.
But healing is possible.
You deserve to feel safe in your body. You deserve to feel connected to your partner. You deserve to feel pleasure without pain.
If you're ready to take the first step, I’m here to guide you.
📅 Click here to schedule a pelvic health consultation with me. Let's get you back to the connection you crave and the comfort you deserve.
